You’ve had a holiday hangover for six days straight due to crashing your friends’ lame office parties because yours was canceled due to “cutbacks.” The highlight of your work day is arriving at the office and crossing off the day on your vacation countdown calendar which you’ve told your boss is actually a memory aid for the Sanskrit course you’re taking at night. As usual in December, your mind is not on work. Except this year you can’t afford to spend your last days in the office doing your Christmas shopping online. That’s why we’ve compiled this short list of things to do at your computer that will while away the hours sufficiently.

1. Live out your secret Geppetto fantasies with two interactive videos from Arcade Fire. Either pull the strings and make lead singer Win Butler your puppet in Neon Bible or play producer and rearrange Black Mirror.

2. Insult your co-workers for free with these fantastic e-cards. You’ve spent 2000 hours stuck in an airtight, windowless office with them since last Christmas. You deserve it. Among my favorites are “Get Well Soon So That I Find You Attractive Again” (for the guy in the next cubicle who insists on coming to work despite revolting winter cold symptoms), “I hope the colder weather won’t deter you from continuing to wear slutty summer dresses to the office” (for the interns), and “You’re a hard person to half-assedly shop for” (for the boss).

3. Laugh your ass off looking at the Greatest Photo Bombers of All Time. Seriously. This is the only email that actually gets funnier with time, because you usually miss about 50% of it upon each viewing due to hysterical laughter. Not advised if you’re still operating under the loose pretense that you’re actually working at your desk.

4. Calculate what you drank last night in terms of calories with this convenient BBC calculator. Those zany Brits have boiled the damage down to measurements of more appetizing nature, equating last night’s wine with how many onion bhajis (fried Indian treats) and Jaffa Cakes (tasty orange and chocolate cookies) you would have consumed. In typical British fashion, it makes drinking seem fun and tasty.

5. Take the Shining Heads Poll! Weigh in on everything from Eliot Spitzer’s footwear and Obama’s inauguration to the best method of cooking bacon in our annual poll.

–Julia Clarke

As the A&R guy who signed the trashcantastic Delta Spirit to Rounder Records earlier this year, we have a lot to thank Dave Godowski for. So we were psyched to see him have his own taste of stardom Wednesday night when his Guns n Roses cover band Mr. Brownstone was invited to perform “Welcome To the Jungle” on Letterman! We think Godowski makes a pretty convincing Izzy Stradlin.

And to think it took a whole year to make this song a hit back in 1987!

Judge for yourself:

Shocking details have emerged about the seedy underbelly of the Florida orange blossom industry. We turn now to Senior State Flower Conspiracy Analysts JJ Grey & Mofro, who have more on this story…

M. Ward chronicled his most recent 24 hours in New York with his iPhone. It reminded us of some things we love about our city.

                 
Now that the All-Star Game is behind us and the Major League Baseball season is officially into its second half, we thought it would be a good time to go back and reveal your predictions that we culled in a survey back in April.

It’s no surprise that most people who responded ranked the AL East in this way:
1. Red Sox
2. Yankees
3. Blue Jays
4. Rays
5. Orioles
Only one person predicted the greatness of the Tampa Bay Rays, who are currently in first. Time will tell whether their storybook season will continue, in this tough division where the spotlight is mostly cast on the mega-markets of New York and Boston and the historic Yankees/Sox rivalry.

Our predictions for the AL Central averaged out this way:
1. Indians
2. Tigers
3. White Sox
4. Twins
5. Royals
A whopping 33% of respondents chose the Indians for first place, but we all know this was just to make Sean happy. There have been nothing but surprises in this division, with Chicago returning to 2005 form, Cleveland disappointing mightily, and Detroit streaking in both directions. And, as Kyle, Dan, Shawn and Kevin will tell you – never underestimate the Twinkies.
In the AL West, the vast majority of us correctly (at least so far) guessed that the Angels would end up on top, trailed by the Mariners, A’s and Rangers, in that order. Only one respondent guessed that the Mariners — currently the worst team in baseball — would finish last in their division.

We hypothesized, on average, that the NL East would be looking like this at the end of the season:
1. Mets
2. Braves
3. Phillies
4. Nationals
5. Marlins

Again, we were too quick to dismiss that baseball hotbed of Florida, because the Marlins have been playing pretty darn great, despite their pitifully lackluster “fans.” They’re sitting a game behind Philly who are a game behind the first place Mets. (On a side note, I can’t tell you how much fun it is to have constant access to Manhattan sports bars when the Red Sox and Yankees are neck-and-neck in one division, and the Mets and Phils in another. Good times.)

Despite the curse and that awfully fat-looking number for “years without winning a World Series” looming, 66% of us were gutsy enough to choose the Cubs to win the NL Central. Then the Brew Crew traded for CC Sabathia and have to be considered very dangerous. Here’s what our picks for that division looked like:
1. Cubs
2. Brewers
3. Reds
4. Cardinals
5. Astros
6. Pirates

To all of you who are fans of the top 5 teams in this division, this Pittsburgher says “You’re welcome.” I’m happy to have blown all those games against you for the last 16 years. If you want to return the favor, the least you could do is plan a trip to Pittsburgh to see your team beat us. We’ve got the most beautiful ballpark in America. And you can try one of those Primanti’s sandwiches you’re always seeing on TV. I’ll send you to bars where you can drop my name and get free shots.

Lastly, we come to the NL West. We expected it to lay out like this:
1. Dodgers
2. Diamondbacks
3. Rockies
4. Padres
5. Giants

Sheesh. .500? Anyone? Anyone? Don’t you at least play EACH OTHER enough for someone to be doing more than treading water?

As for the other questions on the poll…
92% of us correctly guessed that the AL would win the All-Star Game. But who knew it would be that great an end an inning away from both managers having to use position players (JD Drew/David Wright) to pitch the 16th inning? (Yankees fans booing Red Sox players was an embarrassing low point.)
23% of us thought Detroit would be the AL Wild Card, after which the Yankees and the Red Sox tied with exactly 12.82% of the vote.
On the NL side, 20% of us thought Milwaukee would do the Wild Card honors, with the Cubs, Phillies and Angels tying in second place.

Red Sox vs. Cubs is the most commonly-predicted World Series.

We are avid fans and gamegoers: 36% of us have been to the Hall of Fame, and on average, we’ve visited three to eight Major League ballparks. (Three of us have been to 14 or more!) And we’re traditionalists, as hot dogs, peanuts and Crackerjacks top our list of ballpark snacks. Vin Scully is our favorite play-by-play man in a landslide, but when it comes to color commentator, there would be arguments. Joe Morgan tops the list, but “anyone but Joe Morgan or Tim McCarver” was also a popular response.

Check back at the end of October for the final wrap.

Oh…and we’ll be back in about a month to ask for your NFL predictions!

–Melanie Shrawder